VP Pence Talks About His "First Time"

     

    "Body, body! Wanna feel my body baby! Such a thrill, my body!" Was the tune blaring out VP Mike Pence's dorm room back in those days. Back when "drinks where cheap, but the thrills were cheaper!"

     "Those days Sharon, they are behind me. But sometimes a man does stop and ponder, what life would've been like had it been okay for a boy to learn how to be a man not only from his daddy, but also from the other boys you shared those amazing nights together with."

     The days of yesterday he calls them. Back on the open floors of Camden University. The fraternity was "Pi Beta, Bi Today" and the Head Frat Brother was none other than everybody’s other favorite VP, the Honorable Dick Cheney. Pence served as Head Bottom Boy during his first two years there, but never rose to the rank of Head Frat Brother.

    "Being the Head Bottom Boy was great honor Sharon. I can't think of any other sort of service that puts you at the front or shall we say the bottom, no pun intended, of all the action. Running a Fraternity is very similar to running a military unit. As I said before though, there really is no other sort of service I can think of that would be similar to the Bottom Boy position, besides maybe a Sergeant in the finest military on Earth."

    His first time came after the completion of his 2nd year of study. Dick Cheney was set to graduate that year and thought it fitting to host a graduation party for himself. Cheney informed all of the frat brothers that they would bring him gifts and plenty of booze and Lays brand potato chips. His last request was that he would be able to serve his final hour as leader, Pegging the Bottom Flank. This announcement came not only as a surprise to Pence, but also an honor.

    "When he said he was going to be Pegging the Bottom Flank, I felt a warmth come over my body. The next morning I woke up, he was gone. I missed the entire graduation and had to fish car keys out of a used condom in the bathroom trash can. Ha! I guess boys will be boys, eh Sharon?"

Sharon Peters, Senior Correspondent.