Bum Rich After Buying Bitcoin

    It was February 2nd in the year 2013 when Alfred Aswego bought his one and only Bitcoin for $19.97. At the time of this transaction, Mr. Aswego is what the Los Angeles community would call,"a worthless, street lurking bum". Who got the last laugh though? We caught up with Mr. Aswego who has recently booked 6 months of nights at the Compton, CA Motel 6.

    "I mean hell, who knew that this thing would be worth 8,000 dollars one day. I forgot I even had it, some fuckin' nerd down at Cal Tech sold it to me and when he told me how much it fuckin' was I said, FUCK, 1997 was the year I had sex with my best friends girlfriend! It's got to be a sign! So fuck I fuckin' bought the fuckin' thing."

    Room 13 of Compton's Motel 6 smells of rotting pork, cheeseburgers, warm beer, stale tamales and underarm sweat. There are stained underwear hanging from the lampshade, what looks like a blood stain in the middle of the carpet and boxes of Churches Fried Chicken laid about like decoration. The Andy Griffith show is playing at an unbearably loud volume and Mr. Aswego is laying in his underwear picking his belly button while cleaning between his teeth with a small chicken bone. His sleep apnea keeps him up most nights, but that's nothing a little Schlitz Malt Liquor can't take care of!

    "I'm like a fuckin' free man again! I mean fuck I was fuckin' free out on Skid Row, but this is the life. I'm rich you know what I mean? Those fuckin' nerds know what they are doing with that bullshit! Hey do you know an escort service around here?"

    When asked if he'd buy Bitcoin again, Alfred Aswego mentioned that only a fool would buy fake money at the current price.